Something to be Thankful For
by Helen Palsgraf
Summary: I'm having a hard time with the whole latest "Rip betrays everyone" story line, especially his betrayal of Sara. He must have had a reason. Spoilers up through 3X7.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 _"What? You weren't going to save me any pie?"_

 _"Sara!" her mother exclaimed, putting down her fork. "How're you feeling, Sweetheart?"_

 _She smiled weakly as she sat down at the small table beside her mother, her pallor evident, skin blotchy from having been vomiting. She'd never felt so terrible; for awhile there, she'd thought she was dying. "I've been better. But I think I can handle a little something now."_

 _Dinah felt her forehead. "You poor thing, sick on Thanksgiving. I don't think you should chance eating much right now though. I'm sure you'll feel up for leftovers tomorrow at least."_

 _"Where's Dad and Laurel?"_

 _"Dad's watching the game, and Laurel went over to Oliver's."_

 _Sara had bristled at that. It wasn't fair that Laurel always got what she wanted._

 _Her mother looked at her knowingly. "Here, Sweetheart, try a little piece of pie. Pie makes everything better," Dinah said, placing the plate in front of her and kissing the top of her head._

. . .

Sara looked around at her dinner companions. She was grateful for them, certainly, but she couldn't help but miss her family. Mom, Dad, Laurel. Those days before she messed everything up by running off with her sister's boyfriend. Before she became lost at sea and presumed dead. Before she became an assassin. Before she died and was brought back to life. Before she became a monster. Before she was a Legend.

Now the people around the table are her family. She's grateful for that, she truly is. She laughed as Jax regaled them with stories of his grandmother, and laughed even harder when Ray was oblivious as to why Nate had so many questions about his mom. It was good to laugh. They had skipped dinner at Martin's, because of the new baby and germs, they'd said. But she knew it was because they wouldn't leave her unconscious in sickbay on Thanksgiving. Martin planned on going home for a little while after Thanksgiving instead.

After dinner, she retired to her office to have a nightcap while the others went to sleep. Although the laughter had been soothing, she had been unconscious for awhile and, much like her dreams at night, it hadn't been a pleasant experience and she felt haunted still.

On her third drink, she began feeling worse not better. On a night like tonight, filled with joy and bonding after a tough mission, and a near-fatal injury, she wouldn't have been alone to wind down. She would've sat cross-legged on the floor, leaning against Rip's chair, soothed by his voice as he told some random story of adventure in a far off time and place as a happy distraction until they were both good and drunk.

She missed him, dammit. Missed the days that they would have been in here together, until they were both brave enough to talk about what haunted them at night.

"Gideon," she said. "Status of Rip Hunter?"

"Director Hunter is in fit physical condition, still held under house arrest by the Time Bureau at Headquarters."

"Thank you, Gideon."

She swallowed the rest of her drink, and poured another, now just hoping to numb herself before any tears came.

. . .

 _"Is this really necessary?" Rip asked, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. "I'm English, we don't celebrate your colonial holidays, you do realize."_

 _"Well, the rest of us are from the colonies, and Martin and Clarissa have invited us to dinner, so we're going. Everyone's going to be there, Jax's mom, my mom. Even Mick. You're part of this family whether you like it or not. You have to come," Sara said, looping her arm through his as they exited the Waverider. "There's a car waiting for us."_

 _Rip sighed. "Very well, Miss Lance."_

 _"Rip," she looked up at him. "Holidays are difficult for a lot of us, you aren't alone in that. You… aren't alone in anything anymore, you know that right?"_

 _Rip gave her a small smile. "Am I really so transparent?"_

 _She grinned. "Only to me. Don't worry, the others are oblivious."_

 _He patted the hand she had on his right arm. "I appreciate your concern. It's been a difficult year for all of us, I suppose a celebration will do everyone good, even if there isn't a lot to be thankful for."_

 _"I think, in spite of it all, there's a lot to be thankful for," she said thoughtfully._

 _"Is that so?"_

 _"Yeah… yeah, there is. Despite all we've lost. All we've suffered. We're here, we're alive, and we have each other. It isn't all we wanted, but it's what we have, and I'm thankful for that."_

 _Rip smiled at her. "Indeed."_

 _"Oh, there's our ride!" she said, pointing out the cab._

 _Rip opened the door for her, and slid into the back of the car next to her. After a few moments, he reached across the seat for Sara's hand._

 _"Thank you, Sara," he murmured, giving it a squeeze. He didn't let go until they left the car._

. . .

"Dinner has arrived, Director Hunter. Happy Thanksgiving, Sir," the guard said, as another man wheeled in the tray.

"Thanksgiving? I don't celebrate your colonial holidays, you do understand? I'm bloody English!" he sighed with exasperation.

The guard said nothing and merely left the tray. He didn't know if he could even swallow down a bite. Just the smell of it made him homesick. How many years had it been since that night at Martin's? The laughter, the joy he felt at having a family again. Before he pushed them away, in hopes of saving them.

He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, torturing himself with the memory. The delicious dinner, the pie for dessert, retiring for drinks in front of the fire, his arm around Sara's shoulder and her head resting against his chest as she dozed off. A "food coma," she'd called it. How conflicted he had been feeling about their recent closeness as he breathed in the smell of her, mixed with the aroma of birch wood smoke… and that blasted turkey. A poor substitute now sitting on a tray in front of him.

He should have kissed her that night, on the way back to the Waverider. He should have kissed her many times over. Then they lost their chance. Then he lost his mind, and his ship, and his place with his family. He couldn't go back to what he had, and he had to protect them from what was coming. So he left.

Five years away from them hadn't made the ache go away. It just intensified it. Now he's crossed a line he didn't think can be undone.

He finally got up, and lifted the lid from the tray. He picked at the food, quite sub-par in comparison to Clarissa Stein's cooking.

He wonders if they're all at the Steins' now, enjoying turkey, admiring their new grandchild. He wonders if he would have dared to hold the child himself. If he could have celebrated their joy without memories of Jonas threatening to drown him in sorrow. Sara would have known. She would have seen it immediately. Known to come over and with a gentle touch, given him comfort and understanding. He wishes she were there now, to be curled up beside him, whispering assurances to him. He needed assurances. He needed her.

He'll never have that again, that closeness with her. Not after his latest betrayal. He allowed the man who killed her sister to be brought back. She doesn't understand what's at stake, but even once she does, she won't thank him for what he's done. Far from it. But maybe she'll realize someday, if she survives, that it wasn't a betrayal, but the only opportunity to save them all.

She'll still hate him for it. He questions everything now, but only of that is he certain.

. . .

"Director Hunter, you have a visitor," the guard said.

Rip sighed. "Let them in."

He hadn't bothered to look up from his desk as the visitor walked in, but he shut his pocket watch in shock as she spoke.

"If you're busy, I can come back," Sara Lance said quietly, taking note of what he had been looking at. Even so, there was still a cold edge to her voice.

"Sara," he whispered. He recovered and cleared his throat, putting on a neutral expression as he placed the watch inside his desk. "What can I help you with, Captain Lance?"

She frowned. "I came for information, but first, I need to know. Do you even feel remorse for what you've done? For the lives you've cost? Do you even feel anything at all?"

Rip steeled himself for her righteous anger. "I don't have the luxury of feelings. I'm trying to protect the universe from a threat unlike any we've ever experienced. I feel remorse that you don't appreciate that threat."

"There's a threat all right. Darhk and his monster daughter just nearly killed me, again. I've been in a coma, that bitch drained the life from me. She's possessed with something terrible."

Rip felt dread in the pit of his stomach, but managed to keep his face neutral. Which only served to enrage Sara.

"Would that have even bothered you if I'd died? Mourned me? Felt guilty at least? That it would have practically been your own hands killing me again, for good this time?"

Rip seethed in hurt and anger at that. "How dare you throw that in my face! You know I would never intentionally do you harm…"

"But you did. You intentionally did the one thing that would make me suffer the most. How would you feel? To watch Vandal Savage rise from the dead?"

He shook the comparison away. "That's not fair."

"No, it's just brutal honesty. I mean it. How would you feel, Rip? To watch the monster that murdered the people you love the most, brought back by someone you trust? So he can keep killing?"

"I didn't do it to hurt anyone, least of all you."

"It's still the result."

"Sara, I'm sorry," he said, and he was. He never wanted to hurt her. He wanted to protect her. That's what all of this was about. To protect her. Because if he didn't…

"Me too, Rip," she said. "I'm sorry I ever trusted you. I'm sorry I ever…" she suppressed a sob.

Tears threatened to spill from his own eyes. "I'm so sorry I've hurt you," he whispered, longing to reach for her, to hold her, to wipe tears from her eyes again, to be able to take all of her pain away. "I hope you'll forgive me someday, but I suspect that's too much to ask."

She cleared her throat, and looked away to compose herself. "I honestly didn't come to argue, or even to get an apology. I came to gather information. I need to know what you know about Mallus."

He nodded, swallowing down his emotions. "I have something for you."

He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a USB drive, a quaint early twenty-first century technology he'd been forced to utilize.

His fingers graced hers as he handed her the drive, the first physical contact they'd had in… he couldn't even remember.

"When you've neutralized the threat, and I know you will, Sara, you'll understand why I did it. You'll never forgive me, perhaps, but you'll understand."

She turned and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Captain Lance," Gideon said.

"Yes?" Sara answered with a sigh, settling down in her room. She'd just been released from sick bay with physical restrictions, and still suffering from shock, really just wanted to sleep in her own bed. It had been a long battle, and had nearly killed her and many of the people she loved. The death toll had been significant. But it had taken a surprising turn. Had he known? Damn him, he almost certainly did, she fumed.

"There's a message from Director Hunter you need to see."

"Message?" she gasped as his hologram appeared in front of her. It had been recorded years ago. He looked so young.

"Sara, if you're viewing this, it means you've been successful in destroying Mallus. It also means that I'm no longer in your life because of the choices I made to bring you here, and I owe you an explanation.

"I put together the Legends for a selfish reason, because I was trying to save the woman I love from dying. Trying to save my son. When I brought you on board, I prevented you from dying at the hands of Damien Darhk in your original timeline. But the irony was we needed him alive again to save you, to defeat a bigger threat - Mallus. Because otherwise, you were going to die. All of you.

"You, a future version of you, was supposed to die fighting this monster. You and the entire team. And I couldn't let that happen. Not again.

"Sara, I love you. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming your name, because the memory of your death haunts me. Sometimes it's at my hands, sometimes Darhk, sometimes Mallus. But it's always because of me, because I failed you. So if I have to destroy you, destroy your trust for me, destroy any love you and the others might have left for me... Oh, Sara, if it means saving you, saving the rest of the Legends, then I will. Because I can't watch you die, not again.

"So, whatever I've done, whatever I've broken between us, truly I'm not sorry. Not if you're watching this. Not if you're alive.

"Please tell the others I'm not sorry either. I know how much they love you too. Maybe they'll forgive me for saving their captain, if they can't forgive me saving their own lives.

"Goodbye, Sara."

She stared at the screen as it went black, slinking down to the floor. It hurt to cry, as she gasped for breath. It just all hurt so much.

. . .

"Director Hunter, Director Sharpe is here to see you," the guard said, opening the door for the woman.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"It's over, Hunter."

He paled, afraid to ask the question. "The Legends succeeded?"

"Yes."

"Any fatalities?"

"From their team? No."

He sighed in relief. "And Captain Lance? Is she okay?"

"She suffered critical injuries but was treated aboard the Waverider and is still on active duty with her team."

He nodded. It hadn't been all for naught. She was safe, they were all safe.

"So, I take it I'm to be disposed of now that I no longer serve a purpose?"

"The Time Bureau has commuted your sentence. You're free to go," Sharpe said, with a hint of reservation to her usual emotionless speech, and a twinge of... guilt?

"Go where, exactly?"

"Anywhere you want. After your dismissal, you may choose a relocation site, your memory will be wiped and rewritten for your new identity. You have two weeks to decide."

"All of my memories?" he said, feeling the agony of that fate squeeze inside his chest.

"Yes. It will be quick and painless. Goodbye, Rip," she said, looking pained herself.

He nodded. Perhaps it was better this way. No more painful memories of all he has lost.

"Can I ask a final favor of you, Ava? Will you deliver my personal belongings to Sara? I'll have no need for them now."

She nodded. "I'll have the guards bring in a box for you."

Once the door closed behind her, he opened up his desk and removed the pocket watch. Soon he would forget them, Miranda and Jonas. He hoped Sara would remember for him. He wanted someone to remember them.

. . .

Sara was on her third glass of Scotch when the portal opened in front of her and in walked Sharpe, carrying a box.

"You know they make these things called telephones, right?" Sara said, annoyed. Her fingers itched to throw a knife straight between her eyes, but she took a deep breath instead.

"Obviously, I can't make deliveries via digital communication," she glared at her. "Look. You should know Rip Hunter is being released next week."

Sara just stared at her, as Sharpe dropped the box on her desk.

"He will be relocated to a place of his choosing, and given a new identity, so he asked me to deliver this to you."

Again, no response.

"His memory will be completely wiped and rewritten," Director Sharpe said slowly and with intent, willing the words to sink in.

"Completely? You mean, he won't remember us?" she said, shocked.

"Completely, he'll have an entirely new identity."

"What about his wife and his son?" Sara asked. "Did you even know about them?"

"I… no… I didn't, not until I viewed the contents of this box of his personal items, which he wanted you to have, by the way. He can't take any of it with him," Sharpe admitted. "But, no, he won't remember them either."

"They died, they were murdered. He… they were all he had before us. How can you just take everything from him? You generated the report yourself. If it wasn't for him, we would all be…"

"Well. It's standard protocol. I just thought you might want to say your goodbyes," Sharpe said, before disappearing back through a portal.

"Like hell I am," Sara said, pulling his pocket watch from the box and holding it to her chest.

. . .

"Director Hunter, you have a visitor," a guard said. Rip dared hope it would be Sara. He wanted to see her one last time before he wouldn't remember her. But he was even more surprised when the visitor walked in.

"Miss Lance," he gasped.

"I take it you weren't expecting me? I apologize, I thought you were notified. I was retained to represent you in an appeal of your administrative sentencing. This may be an unconventional type of agency, Mr. Hunter, but this is still America and you're still afforded due process rights. You were never given a hearing on the merits. I've filed suit in federal court, sealed of course, to set aside your sentence. The Judge has already granted the emergency stay."

"How? How are you here?" he whispered.

"My sister Sara asked for my help. She said you're a friend of hers." She avoided eye contact with him at that, opening her file instead. Even she seemed to realize that wasn't what he meant.

He nodded though. Friend. Sara still considered him a friend. Enough to send her newly-resurrected beloved sister to defend him. He sighed in relief.

"How is she? Can I expect to see her?"

Laurel shook her head. "Our motion is set to be heard tomorrow. You'll see her in Court when she testifies. She was pretty beat up in the battle, but she's fine. I've asked her to stay away in the meantime, so you and I can work on your defense. I'm going to do my best to get you out of this."

"Laurel… thank you," he said, grabbing her hand.

Laurel looked down at their hands. "From what I hear, it should be me thanking you, Mr. Hunter. I… I shouldn't even be alive, should I?" she whispered, as though if the secret got out she might just vanish into thin air.

"You weren't, no. I'm not entirely even sure how you're alive now," he said, gently.

"Sara can shed some light on that, I believe. You'll see her soon, once we make sure you won't be exiled and your memory wiped." She patted him on the hand and he released his hold. "Let's get to work, shall we?"

. . .

"In light of the evidence I've heard today, coupled with Ms. Lance's brief, I'm granting Plaintiff's motion to set aside administrative sentencing. Plaintiff was not afforded due process rights, and in consideration of the severity of the sentence, I am setting it aside. I highly recommend the Time Bureau attempt to reach an agreement with Plaintiff outside of Court. After hearing the testimony offered today by Ms. Lance, Dr. Palmer, Dr. Stein, and Dr. Heywood, I believe the Time Bureau can find a way to come to terms with Mr. Hunter's policy violations without implementing extreme measures."

"Thank you, Your Honor," Laurel said, looking quite pleased with herself.

"However, until such time that an agreement is reached, I am denying your motion to lift the Time Bureau's order of house arrest. Mr. Hunter will remain in custody until which time this Court orders his release."

Laurel nodded. It had been a long shot, but she was secretly relieved. She didn't want her client disappearing on her. Or on her sister. Or both of them disappearing on her.

"Thank you, Judge," opposing counsel responded.

"Court is adjourned," the Judge rose and left the bench.

"Miss Lance, thank you," Rip said, shaking her hand.

"I'm sorry we couldn't get you released today," she said.

"That's quite all right. I am grateful for everything you've done."

"I'll speak with the Time Bureau's lawyers and we'll see what deal they're willing to make. If we can't reach a deal, I think we have a really good chance of beating this all together."

"I can't thank you enough, I really can't. And, please, thank Sara and the others for me," he said, watching them leave the courtroom.

"I will," she said, closing up her briefcase and watching as Rip was taken back to his quarters within the Time Bureau.

. . .

Jax came to see him that afternoon.

"I've been so angry with you all this time, man. Thinking you were a traitor. Why didn't you just tell us what was going on?" the young man said, punching his shoulder, then pulling him into a hug.

"I wanted to. But I knew Sara could never agree to it. I was willing to risk resurrecting him to save you. She wouldn't have. Not when it came to Darhk."

"Maybe you're underestimating her."

"Maybe. But if it went wrong, I also didn't want that guilt on your captain's shoulders. I alone would be responsible for bringing Darhk back and any lives lost along the way."

"It was a lot of lives."

"But not yours. And nothing compared to what would've been lost had Mallus not been defeated."

Jax nodded. "Gideon said all of Central City burned in the original timeline. That means my mom, Clarissa, Lily, the baby. Sara's mom. All our other friends and family. They all would've died."

"And you. All of you."

"Sara will forgive you, you know. Her sister is alive. She'll forgive you."

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter if she forgives me. The result matters. The means may have destroyed our relationship, but I don't care. Even if all of you can't stand the sight of me. It was worth it."

Jax nodded. "I miss you, Rip. I know Sara does too."

He hugged the young man goodbye, the words "I missed you too" stuck in his throat.

The others came by eventually over the next few days. All to have similar conversations about trust and friendship. Amaya had saved her granddaughter from following a dark path with Mallus. Even the new girl, Zari, came by with Ray to say thank you. Her own timeline had been altered, and metahumans were no longer targeted in the future. It hadn't saved her brother, but it had saved her parents. The effects of Damien Darhk having sacrificed himself in order to save the universe, and his own daughter, had tremendous ripple effects. And all agreed, even Mick, that Rip's actions were forgiven.

But still Sara hadn't come.

. . .

It was two weeks later when Sara and Laurel came to see him. Laurel had reached an agreement with the Time Bureau. Expulsion from the Time Bureau and credit for time served. He could be released on probation into the custody of a contractor for the Time Bureau – Captain Sara Lance.

"So, I'm going to head out and give you two a chance to talk this over. It was a pleasure working with you, Mr. Hunter. And, Sara, I'll see you at dinner tonight?"

"Yeah," Sara smiled. "I'll see you at dinner."

She watched wistfully as Laurel closed the door behind her.

"So, I'm to be your prisoner then, Miss Lance?" Rip said, eyebrows raised.

"Mmm hmm," she said, arms crossed staring at him coldly. "You should have told me. You never trust me. It's always been the problem. You never trust me. All you do is manipulate everyone around you."

"Would you have done it? Brought Darhk back if I told you the truth? That only he could destroy the threat that was coming? And even that was a long-shot?"

She shook her head. "I would never have believed what he did. I didn't think he cared about anybody. Anything. Just another monster who was happy to watch the world burn. But he sacrificed himself along his earlier timeline. Doing so, it brought Laurel back. He never killed her, he destroyed the timeline where he did. Dammit, Rip. You knew. You knew! Go on. Tell me you didn't know this was going to happen and you didn't tell me." She exhaled in frustration.

"I knew it was a possibility but I didn't dare hope or get your hopes up. If it didn't come to fruition, I know the disappointment would have destroyed you. You'd have grieved her all over again. I know that feeling all too well. But I wanted this for you, so much. I'm so glad," he said, his voice full of emotion.

Sara nodded. "She's alive. Laurel's alive, the real Laurel, my Laurel, and that's because of what you did."

He looked at her, allowing himself to hope. "Can you forgive me the things I did then?"

"How could I not? I can't argue with the outcome. I'm just still so furious with you for all you put me through though. God! You absolute asshole!" she laughed bitterly.

He laughed with relief.

"Sara, I meant what I said, I would do anything to keep you safe. I'm glad you have Laurel back, I know what that means to you, but it's you I wanted safe. I spent five years away from you, building an organization just to betray it. To betray all of you. Just on the chance that the only plan I could make would work. That you would live."

He grabbed her hand from across the table. "I would do it all again."

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, as she wiped them away with her other hand. "Rip, you've been gone long enough, let's go home."

"What does that look like for me, Sara?" he asked quietly.

"It means you're under my command. And you have a long way to go to earn back my trust. But the Waverider is your home. We are your family. Can you accept that?"

"Absolutely, Captain. I don't have anything left to pack, so, let's go home."

* * *

 **Epilogue**

"No arguments this time?" Sara asked, as Rip helped her into her coat.

"I might not be from the colonies, but there's no place I'd rather be than with my family," he said, handing her a scarf. "I have a lot to be thankful for."

"Me too," she smiled, as she wrapped the scarf around her neck. "Starting with you."

She reached up and kissed him gently on the cheek. He stopped her from pulling away, with his hand cupping the side of her face.

"I love you, Sara," he murmured, his forehead pressed to hers.

She smiled, and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "I love you, too."

He deepened the kiss. All those years away from her, dreaming of such a moment as tonight.

She pulled away. "Stop distracting me, we're going to be late."

"You're right. You and I, though, we have all the time in the world now," he said, holding her hand as they left the Waverider.

Laurel waved to them from the driver's seat, ready for the largest Thanksgiving dinner they've had, bringing together the Legends, Team Arrow, and Team Flash, all their family, along with Sara and Laurel's parents, at the Queen mansion.

A small black velvet box rested in Rip's coat pocket, containing a ring Laurel had helped him pick out. He had never believed, after losing Miranda and Jonas he would ever have a family again. It took him too long to realize he had already found one.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading! I don't have a good imagination when it comes to time-traveling sci-fi, but I felt like the only thing that could redeem Rip resurrecting the villain who killed Sara's sister, is if it resulted in her death being erased from the timeline as a result. Otherwise, everything is terrible._

 _-Helen_


End file.
